also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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