finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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