Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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