good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
