make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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