Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
