She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize