I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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