took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
