maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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