She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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