I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every concussion has its silver lining
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
