I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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