Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize