that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
