I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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