there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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