Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
