Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
