Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
