I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
