I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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