with your own penis?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
