if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
