After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
