Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we're making bets on your personal life
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
