He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
