so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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