im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize