Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
