What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
soo... how was my night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
