i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
