i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
