My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have tasted many bathrooms
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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