"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
