Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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