I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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