You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
