I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
