I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize