Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
