A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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