Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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