so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
