I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
