I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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