Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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