I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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