I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize
