she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
