Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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