I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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