I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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