Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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