Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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