my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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