pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
