the condom got lost in my hair
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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