sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize