I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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