the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
