ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Tell her she can't have a vagina
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
