He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
