NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
