you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
