I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
