Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
