Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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