Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
please don't ironically join a cult
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