I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
