so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize