this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
