allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Soap is not a condiment
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Randomize
