My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
