Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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